社交媒体破坏我们约会的10种方式(上)
Our tech-driven society has been at the helm of many wonderful things. Internet is now a household commodity; people can work remotely, allowing them to connect with colleagues and business partners from across the globe, and the advent of social media websites like Facebook have allowed people to rediscover friendships and family they may have otherwise never seen again. One thing that social media and technology have not benefitted is modern dating culture. In fact, social media and technology have basically ruined dating and romance as we know it. Gone are the days of handwritten love notes, mustering up the courage to formally ask someone out on a date, and ambitions for monogamy rather than hooking up. Millennial daters have been ones that are said to be part of what has been coined the "hookup culture" and much of said hooking up is steeped in social media and technology. Let's share a collective groan and take a look at 10 ways social media and technology have ruined dating.
科技驱动的世界给我们带来了很多美妙的事物，如今互联网已普及到家家户户，人们不仅可以远程工作，还可以跨过整个地球联系到同事和合作伙伴。Facebook的出现更使人们重获他们可能不会再有的友情和亲情。但是，有一个东西完全没能从社交媒体和技术获益——现代的约会文化。事实上，如我们所知，社交媒体和技术已经基本上毁掉了我们的约会和其中的浪漫。过去是一个手写情书的时代，是一个鼓足勇气去正式邀请别人约会的时代，是一个大家奔着一生一世一双人去恋爱的时代，而非一个随便勾搭约炮的时代。而21世纪的约会却常常被认为是"约炮文化"的一部分，而许多这些所谓约炮的温床就是社交媒体。深呼吸，让我们一起来看看10种社交媒体破坏我们约会的方式。Constantly See Your Ex, Even If It's Only Through Photos
10.你时不时会看到你的前任，即使只是照片
When Facebook was first established, it was exclusive only to college students. Today, it seems that everyone and their mother — not to mention their grandmother — has an account on the social media platform. I'm pretty sure I'm friends with most of my friends' pets as well. Along with social media sites like Twitter and Instagram coming into the fold as popular social media sites, this constant connection to people can have detrimental effects when it comes to attempts at getting over a breakup. Back before the internet, breakups could be resolved by both parties agreeing not to see or talk again, and subsequently pretending the other person doesn't exist and/or moved to a different planet.
当Facebook刚刚建立的时候，它只在大学生间流行。今天，似乎每个人，以及他们的妈妈——暂不提祖母辈的——都在社交平台上有一个账户。我很确定在Facebook上我还与许多我朋友的宠物是好友关系呢。随着Twitter和 Instagram 这类的社交网站变得流行，人们相互间这种紧密的联系对于想走出失恋的人来说很是不利。在网络出现之前，分手后两方一致达成不再见面或不再说话的约定，之后假装另一方不存在或搬到另一个星球去了，人们自然而然能走出失恋。
It has become pretty impossible to cleanse your mind of an Ex File when our respective news feeds are so often congested with exes posting every moment from their nights out — some of those nights including pictures with said ex posing ambiguously with another person that may or may not be romantically involved with them. You can always delete and/or block an ex from your "friends" list, but even that can seem like a formidable task when you're attempting to look "totally cool" with the situation. As Complex puts it, even when you do decide to unfriend/unfollow an ex, "…you have to remember what mutual friends you have so you don't have to see Instagrammed pictures of your ex tongue-wrestling with her rando creeper neighbor you always thought had a thing for her." Ugh.
可是现在我们各自的信息网常常充斥着前任发表夜晚出行的动态——有些晚上他们还上传了他们和暧昧不清的人模糊的合照，把前任从你的脑袋里赶出去几乎不可能。就算你把你的前任从你的好友列表中删除或拉黑，但你连想装出一副无所谓的样子都变得无比艰巨。就像Complex网站说的，当你下定决心去取消好友或是取消关注前任的时候，"你不得不留意你们有哪些共同好友，以防在Instagram上看到你前任和邻居恶心的舌吻照——你早就怀疑那个一篱之隔的邻居对她有意思了。"呸！ersation Has Gone Almost Exclusively To Text
9.对话变得几乎只在短信中进行了
Remember the days when landlines weren't archaic and it was actually considered normal for those in the 20s and 30s age bracket to own one? The only landline I receive a call from now is the one located at my parents' house and even they seldom use it anymore. Seriously, ever since my parents learned how to text (and learned what "lol" stands for) they can't get enough of texting me and my sister. They still kick it old school with the occasional voicemails, but I digress…
还记得固定电话还没过时的日子吗？还记得二、三十岁的人拥有一部固定电话再普遍不过的日子吗？如今我唯一能接到的固定电话来电就是来自我父母家的那台固定电话，然而，即使是我的父母也很少使用它了。严格地说，自从我的父母学会了怎么打字（并且知道lol代表什么），他们便一直过不够给我和我姐姐发短信的瘾。他们甚至还抛弃了时不时和他们电话留言的一帮朋友，呃，我跑题了……Elite Daily's Stephanie Hayman expounded upon the ways that texting has definitively ruined facets of dating. "Our generation, one that lovingly relishes in the concept of instant gratification, has single-handedly managed to undermine the art of dating by means of technological evolution," she says. "How, you ask? Via speech bubbles that appear on a 2 x 4 screen" Hayman went on to note the pernicious advent of things like the "buzzed texts" singles frequently receive from would-be companions. "The illusion that is all-encompassing of the classic ‘booty call' text has the ability to become too routine. If a guy only communicates with you between the hours of 9 pm to 3 am, you know what his intentions are." The popularity of the smartphone has offered many wonderful things — we now have access to emails, websites, a slew of self-improving apps, and the like right at our fingertips. Of course, with every positive there are invariably a few negatives attached, which brings us to the topic of texting. Texting is fun, convenient, and a great excuse to use all those fun emojis of gals dancing and puppies. However, with texting becoming the preferred method of communication (hearing a person's voice is so overrated, right?) the dating scene has been pervaded by this lack of intimate exchanges and exacerbated things like misunderstanding and mixed messages.
来自《精英日报》的斯蒂芬妮·艾曼认同短信确确实实毁掉了我们约会的各种方式。"我们这一代，沉浸在瞬时满足感的一代，借科技的进步一手毁掉了约会的艺术。"她说，"你问如何毁掉的？就是在2×4屏幕的对话框上毁掉的。"接着艾曼又指出这些东西的危害——比如单身人士从潜在的伴侣频繁收到的"微醉的短信"，他们会有对方在邀"约炮"的错觉，这类典型的短信变得越来越日常化。如果有人只在晚上9点到3点找你聊天，你知道他图的是什么。"手机的普及带来了许多美妙的东西——我们能享用电子邮箱，网站，许多自我升级的应用和其他类似的指尖上的乐趣。当然，福总是祸之所倚，我们这才进入了短信的这个话题。发短信有趣又方便，也是我们使用跳舞女孩和小狗这些搞笑表情的一个好借口。不过当发短信变成了大家更倾向的沟通方式（听到一个人的声音太奢望了，对吧？），约会的场面就会因缺少亲密交流而变得尴尬，像是误会或是混杂的短信则会加剧情形的恶化。One Has to Be Courageous Anymore
8.你再也不需要勇气了
In the olden days of…well…anytime before smartphones and household internet, asking someone on a date was one that involved a great mustering of courage along with actual feelings of affection for the person a man or woman was planning to ask out. As the New York Times puts it, "Traditional courtship — picking up the telephone and asking someone on a date — required courage, strategic planning and a considerable investment of ego (by telephone, rejection stings)." Today, with a majority of dating invitations be posed through text, online dating websites and apps, "it's more like dropping a line in the water and hoping for a nibble." Moreover, technology has increased the dating pool exponentially. Where people used to hope for a situation of happenstance or seek setups through friends, family, and colleagues, social media and dating apps currently offer a vast catalogue of singles for anyone looking to find a potential companion or hookup. The mustering of courage that used to precede asking someone on a date has basically disappeared. Because of the numerous options available, rejection isn't something to be feared because a potential date could be right around the corner. Furthermore, because there is very little verbal communication before an actual date manifests, disinterested singles can simply choose not to respond to a text or "un-match" on a dating app. Although it's nice to have choices, too many choices can also diminish the intimacy and courage that was once prevalent in courtship.
正如《纽约时报》写的："传统的追求方式——拿起电话提出约会——需要勇气、策略，以及相当程度上的自尊舍弃(在电话里被拒绝是一件很伤自尊的事情)。而如今，许多约会邀请都是通过短信、在线交友网站或是手机应用提出的，"这更像是往湖里抛下鱼线，期待有鱼上钩。"此外，科技让我们可约会的"大池子"呈指数扩大。以前人们希望通过一些偶然的邂逅，或者是通过朋友、家人以及同事的安排来认识自己的另一半，而现在社交媒体和交友APP提供了一系列的单身男女以供相亲或约炮。在提出约会邀请之前，人们再也不需要提起多大的勇气。正是因为有太多的选择，被拒绝似乎也并非是一件可怕的事，也许在下一个转角就有一个约会等着你。再者，在真正见面之前，两个人之间并不熟悉，如果对对方不感兴趣，只需要忽略信息或者在交友APP上选择"不适合"即可。虽然有选择是一件好事，但是选择太多反而会减弱人们之间的亲密感，减少在以往追求过程中所需要的勇气。ne Dating Discourages Monogamy
7.线上交友会降低夫妻之间的忠诚度
With such a vast Rolodex of prospective mates to choose from, the temptation to become a serial dater rather than settle into a monogamous relationship has never been more tantamount as it is with 21st century dating culture. "The older you get as a man, the more experienced you get. You know what to do with women, how to treat them and talk to them. Add to that the effect of online dating," U.K. dating site founder, Dan Winchester, told The Atlantic's Dan Slater. "I often wonder whether matching you up with great people is getting so efficient, and the process so enjoyable, that marriage will become obsolete." And for those who are married, online dating continues its pernicious affect on romance and monogamy.
正是因为存在如此多潜在的约会对象，与其专心和一个人交往，不如成为一个约炮高手，这就是21世纪社交文化的现实状况。"随着年龄的增长，你会积累更多的经验。你会知道该如何和女人相处，如何对待她们，怎么和她们聊天。这些经验在线上约会中发挥了很大的作用。"英国交友网站的成立者丹·温彻斯特对《大西洋月刊》的记者丹·斯拉特这样说："我常常在思考，一旦和他人的配对变得如此迅速，约炮过程又这么愉悦，婚姻是否会就此变成过去式。"而对于已婚人士，线上约会对于婚姻双方的幸福感和忠诚度有着长期的恶性影响。Ashley Madison is a website pandering specifically to married individuals who are looking to have an affair, as well as singles who apparently have a thing for legally bound men and women. Operating under the tagline "Life is short. Have an affair.", the site has received an onslaught of criticism since being established in 2001, while also garnering billions of dollars from members that look to peruse extramarital options. BBC's Kim Gittleson spoke with the website's founder, Noel Biderman, who attempted to make a case for infidelity and using affairs as a business model. "I think unfortunately the morality of infidelity is that last bastion — we've gotten comfortable with interracial relationships, we're getting more comfortable with same-sex ones, it's infidelity that has a long history that has to be overridden." I don't know if cheating on your spouse can really be compared to civil rights, but OK then… The article went on to note results from a study "…by analyst firm Global Web Index found that more than 40% of the users on the Tinder dating app were married or in a relationship." Apparently "swiping right" can have more dire consequences than we thought.
Ashley Madison是一家专门为已婚人士提供婚外情服务的网站，也为希望和已婚人士发生关系的单身者提供服务。自从2001年成立之后，这个网站在"人生苦短，及时行乐！"的口号之下运作，它在饱受批评的同时，也从不断寻找婚外情的人那里获得了上亿美金的利润。BBC记者金·吉特尔森采访了网站的成立人诺艾尔·毕德曼——他试图利用夫妻之间的不忠行为以及婚外情作为商机获取利润。"不幸的是，夫妻间的不忠诚是最后的堡垒——我们已经接受了跨种族恋，也习惯了同性恋，但是通奸却是花了很长一段时间还没有解决的问题。"我不知道对配偶的不忠是否能和人权相提并论，但如果可以的话，那么…… 我们也想强调一个研究结果："全球网路指数公司研究发现Tinder交友软件的使用者超过40%都是已婚者。"显然，"向右滑动"导致的结果比想象中更糟糕。al Media And Technology Can Delay a First Date From Even Happening
6.社交软件和科技甚至会耽误第一次约会
Comedian and actor, Aziz Ansari, recently released a book titled Modern Romance, which he co-wrote with sociologist Eric Klinenberg. The work takes a comprehensive look at the shifts modern entities like social media and smartphones have caused in the dating world. Speculation on the trials of dating in a millennial society is old hat for Ansari, as he has frequently referenced it in his stand-up specials. During one bit for his special, Dangerously Delicious, Ansari laments that he made a discovery that all dating conversation had "gone exclusively to text" once he had exited a long-term relationship. The bit is as hilarious as it is achingly true, as Ansari notes the miscommunication that can happen during texting, where both parties will instantly respond to texts until someone says something like,"‘OK cool. So you wanna get pizza on Tuesday?' And then I don't hear anything! And I'm like, ‘what just happened? I know you read that s***. You responded to 20 other things I just said. What, do you not like me anymore?…Did you check your phone into a locker and go ride a rollercoaster for a few hours? WHAT'S THE DEAL?!'"
喜剧演员阿兹·安萨里同社会学家埃里克·克林伯格合作写就的著作《现代浪漫》于近期发表。该书主要全方位讲解了像社交软件和智能手机这样的现代产品是如何影响当今约会方式的。安萨里经常在他的单人喜剧里提及用过去的眼光审视21世纪的约会已经过时了。在他的喜剧——《危险的美味》中，安萨里悲叹道他发现一旦两个人之间存在着长期的亲密关系，所有在约会中的对话无一例外都是通过短信进行的。这段喜剧表演非常贴切幽默，因为事实就是如此：短信交流容易造成误解。比如说，当双方都在不停地回复着信息直到其中一人说，"好。所以你想今天晚上吃披萨？"然后就没回复了！我可能就会发，"刚刚发生了什么啊？我知道你看到我的信息了！你刚刚还回复了我之前发的20条信息。你是不是不再喜欢我了？……难道你是把手机锁在了储物柜去玩了几个小时的过山车么？到底怎么回事？！"New York single, Shani Silver, told The New York Times of similar dating woes related to texting. There is an intangible nonchalance attached to typing words into a phone rather than hearing an actual voice, and this lackadaisical nature accompanied by "LOLs" and emojis has pervaded our current dating culture. When texting about a date, that date in turn becomes less intimate. Silver, for example, received a last minute invite to a "date" with a man she had met online, only to realize his idea of a date was having her join him for a few rounds with his a slew of his buddies from college. "At 10 p.m., I hadn't heard from him," she told The New York Times. It wasn't until 10:30 p.m. that he sent her this text message: "Hey, I'm at Pub And Kitchen, want to meet up for a drink or whatever?" and added, "I'm here with a bunch of friends from college." "‘It's one step below a date and one step above a high-five,' she added. Dinner at a romantic new bistro? Forget it. Women in their 20s these days are lucky to get a last-minute text to tag along." Speaking of casualties…
纽约的单身人士珊尼·希尔夫告诉《纽约时报》，她也有过类似由于短信而造成的约会悲剧。因为文字有一种无形的冷漠，短信不能真实地传达你的语气。这些了无生气的短信交流连同着各种表情遍及我们的约会生活。举个例子，希尔夫收到一位通过网络认识的男士的约会邀请，然而她发现所谓的约会只是和他的大学同学们一起交流。"都已经晚上10点了，我还是没有他的任何消息，"希尔夫告诉《纽约时报》的记者。直到10点半，那位男士终于发来了一条讯息："我在餐酒店,你想要来喝一杯吗？"但他又说，"这里有一堆我大学同学呢。" "我们现在是胜过朋友，恋人未满的关系，"希尔夫又说，"想在浪漫漂亮的小餐馆吃顿饭？得了吧！现在二十几岁的女人能在交谈的关键短息中被提到就已经很幸运了。"以上就是一个现代科技受害者的自述……审校：彼得潘 编辑：listen 来源：前十网
