人生感悟:人际交往应把握好的十条建议
Want to build positive relationships? Then make sure not to commit the following 10 things that disrupt relationships:
你想建立积极的人际关系吗？那么确保不要做一下十件会毁灭关系的事情。
1. Giving hurtful comments. Are you hurting others by your lack of tact? You might think that you're being helpful, but your intentions might have hurt the other party instead. Put yourself in others'shoes first. If it's not a comment you appreciate hearing yourself, then perhaps it's not something others will appreciate either.
1. 给伤害性的评论。你曾经因为缺乏机智而伤害过他人吗？你可能觉得你是在帮别人，但是你可能伤害别人。首先，替别人想想。如果你不愿意听到那个评论，那么对于别人而言，可能也不愿意。
2. Giving solutions when the person is really looking for a listening ear. Probably an understatement: A lot of times what people want is a listening ear. Deep down, people have solutions to the problems they are facing – they are just looking for someone to share their frustrations with because they have had a long and hard day. I had a friend who would always butt in with suggestions whenever I shared my frustrations. Our conversations became stifling – in the end I stopped talking about them altogether because I wasn't getting the refuge I wanted. Be more conscious of what the other party is looking for, and adjust accordingly to fit that.
2. 给予解决的方法，当别人只是需要一个倾听的对象。可能只是一个保守的结论：很多时候人们只是需要倾诉。实际上，人们对于他们所面对的问题，已经有了解决的方法，他们只是在寻找能与他们分享心事的人，因为他们日子不好过。我有一个好朋友，经常插嘴提建议，当我只是想分享我的沮丧时。我们的对话变得非常沉闷——到最后我停止了诉说，因为我没有寻找到我的避难所。我们应该更加谨慎地去意识到对方需要什么，然后调整自己去适应。
3. Being judgmental; Thinking you are above others. No one likes to be judged or labeled. If you are constantly judging others for what they do/say, it might be good to reflect that upon yourself. Putting someone off doesn't make someone a better person; it just makes him/her appear insecure. Humility is a timeless virtue that's appreciated by everyone.
3. 具有批判精神，觉得自己高高在上。没有人喜欢被批判或者被贴上标签。如果你不停地评论他人的言行，那么你所评价的内容正好反映了你自己。并不能将别人变成更好的人。这会让别人没有安全感。谦卑是每个人都欣赏的永恒的美德。
4. Being defensive to criticism. How well do you respond to criticism? Do you become defensive and wall yourself up? Or do you graciously take it into stride and use the criticism constructively for growth? Learn to deal with critical people — it might be the most important skill you can ever acquire.
4. 远离批评。你是如何看待他人的批评呢？你是对批评敬而远之，置之不理？还是充满感激地倾听，在批评中积极地成长呢？学习与批评你的人相处——这恐怕是你将获得的最重要的技巧。
5. Telling people what to do. Most of us don't like it when people try to boss us around. Learning to energize people and get them on board a common vision is more empowering than trying to order people around.
5. 告诉别人做什么。很多人都不喜欢被别人呼来喝去。学会激励别人，同等地看待别人比对别人呼来喝去更有用。
6. Being aloof; Not being responsive. I have experienced situations where acquaintances do not respond to correspondences, possibly because they do not see them as important. Subsequently I form a very bad impression of them, and deprioritize their requests when they seek my help later on.
6. 远离而不响应。我遇到过这样的情形，熟人并不相应的响应，可能他们并不觉得那很重要。结果我对他们形成了差印象，当他们后来找我帮忙时，我就拒绝了。
7. Thinking you know it all. The more I learn, the more I realize what I don't know. There is a wealth of knowledge out there for us to learn. Thinking you know everything, rejecting new methods and vehemently insisting on your ways prevents you from connecting with others. Be open to trying new things.
7. 认为自己知道很多。我学得越多，就越意识到自己知道的太少。有大量的知识，等待着我们去学习。认为自己什么都知道，拒绝尝试新的方法，激烈的坚持自己的方式将会使你与他人隔绝。大胆的去尝试新鲜的事物吧。
8. Being a complainer. It's okay to complain every once in a while, but doing it all too often puts off people. Complaining too much makes you an energy vortex—it becomes draining to be around you. People like to be around positive people, not energy vampires. If you are one, it's not too late to change —start by focusing on positive things around you and work from there.
8. 抱怨。偶尔抱怨没什么事，但是如果你经常这样将会让别人很反感。抱怨太多会让你陷入能量漩涡——会使你的精力殆尽。人们喜欢被积极的人围绕，而不是精力吸血鬼。如果你是其中之一，那么什么时候改变都不晚——从现在开始关注积极的事物吧。
9. Not following up on things you agreed on. One of my pet peeves is when people don't follow up on things they agree on (be it appointments, favors, etc). I think it makes them unreliable and leaves a very bad taste in my mouth. These are the same people that I make a note not to work with in the future.
9. 不跟从自己先前的观点。其中一个我无法忍受的事是人们不认同他们之前同意的约定或是想法。我认为这让他们变得不可靠，我对他们的评价非常差。这些人同样是我以后工作中不想与之合作的人。
10. Not listening. Are you present in your conversations with others? Or is your mind on something else? When conversing with someone, learn to not only listen, but listen actively. Seek out the underlying message behind what someone is saying.
10. 不会倾听。在与别人的交谈中，你是否认真在听？或者你的心思已经跑到别人地方去了。当我们与别人交谈时，我们不仅要学会倾听，更要积极的倾听。试图去寻找说话者隐藏的信息。
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vt. 欣赏；感激；领会；鉴别 vi. 增值；涨价
tact[tækt]想一想再看
n. 机智，手法
联想记忆X单词tact联想记忆：源于：tactic（n 策略；战略），有tactic的人tact impression[im'preʃən]
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n. 印象，效果
联想记忆X单词impression联想记忆：impress印象+ion→印象；感想 disrupt[dis'rʌpt]
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vt. 分裂，干扰，打断，妨碍，使破裂
联想记忆X单词disrupt联想记忆：dis分开，rupt断－使分开或断－破坏 responsive[ri'spɔnsiv]
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adj. 回答的，应答的，易感应的
联想记忆X单词responsive联想记忆：respons反应，ive过分－过分有反应的－敏感的 refuge['refju:dʒ]
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n. 避难(处), 庇护(所)
v. 庇护，避
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adj. 不安全的；不稳定的；不牢靠的
联想记忆X单词insecure联想记忆：secure（adj 安全可靠的；放心的；无虑的） comment['kɔment]
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n. 注释，评论; 闲话
v. 注释，评论
com共同，ment闷他：大家一起用激烈的评论把他闷的投不过气来。 aloof[ə'lu:f]
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adj. 疏远的，冷淡的 adv. 远离地
联想记忆X单词aloof联想记忆：a与f之间有一条长长的loo路－疏远的 humility[hju:'militi]
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n. 谦逊，谦虚，谦卑
联想记忆X单词humility联想记忆：hum土,地+ility状态→地的状态→谦让；低下
