时尚双语:爱情贴士：了解你的另一半在想什么

Long before scientists confirmed the differences between men's and women's brains, many people sensed the vast chasm between the two sexes' mental workings. Men and women's brains differ in shape and function, causing them to act and react differently from one another. While some argue that the differences between male and female behavior stems from nothing more than social conditioning, it makes much more sense to accept the differences and learn to deal with them.

In fact, husbands and wives who accept the differences between themselves and their spouses enjoy much more satisfaction in their relationships. They don't have to deal with the frustration and unhappiness that result from frequent misunderstandings. Here are a few differences you can expect from your spouse and tips on working with them:

Women's Emotional Centers are More Active than Men's
Enhanced left/right brain communication and hormonal fluctuations, as well as a more active emotional center, make emotions a much more important part of women's lives. Women understand and deal with emotions differently than men. Emotional connections, such as sympathy and mutual understanding, are important to women.

Advice for Husbands

Don't feel guilty about your wife's emotional outbursts. When your wife is struggling, the best thing to do is to try to console her with a hug or other expression of love, or by letting her talk, but be careful not to let your wife draw you in to her negative emotions. Keeping a positive perspective can help her stabilize her emotions.
When you are dealing with emotions, your wife may think you need to talk them out like she does. Be honest about your need for some quiet time to think things through. She'll get used to leaving you alone if you explain your needs to her.

Advice for Wives

Strong emotions lead to irrational thoughts. Try to keep things in perspective and accept the ways your husband tries to console you, even if he isn't providing the sympathy that you want. (Call your mom or girlfriends for that.) Don't use your hormonal fluctuations as an excuse to throw temper tantrums or abuse others. You can keep reasonable control of your emotions with a little practice.

When your husband is upset, give him time to think things through. Let him approach you if he wants to talk about what's wrong. He'll be much more likely to work things out this way.

Advice for Both Spouses

Instead of reacting to your spouse's emotional outbursts with anger, be more understanding and loving. Insisting on an eye for an eye will leave everyone hurt and just make the problem worse. If you react to an angry outburst by looking for ways to make your spouse's day a little easier, you will not only insulate yourself from hurt, but you will also shorten your spouse's distress.

Men's Sexual Centers are Much More Active than Women's
Intercourse is a totally different experience for men and women. Besides the obvious physical differences, men and women also have sentimental differences in their love-making. Men are much more "right-brained" than women, making spatial relations and visual information much more important to them. Women are more concerned with an emotional connection to their husbands. Different things will stimulate and satisfy women and men.

Advice for Husbands
Actively seek to reign in your impulses when it comes to other women. If you allow yourself to fantasize about other women, your relationship with your wife will suffer.

Men tend to express their love for their wives through sex. However, your wife may feel like nothing more than a power tool if you limit your expression of love to her to nothing more than groping and intercourse. Make an effort to slow things down and make sex an enjoyable experience for both of you. Find out what makes your wife feel loved (like notes, flowers, poems, etc.) and use those things to express your love for her. Women who feel a strong emotional connection with their husbands are much more open in the bedroom.

Advice for Wives

Interpret your husband's desire for you for what it is-an expression of love. Don't assume that he views you as nothing more than an object for him to use. If you feel that way, you need to discuss the situation with your husband and make sure your needs are being met. Give in once in a while when you're too tired or too preoccupied.
Don't be afraid to express your desires. Doing so will enhance the experience for both of you and you'll find it much easier to connect with your husband emotionally when you are both satisfied sexually.

Advice for Both Spouses

Men and women both have a much better experience when they seek to please each other instead of themselves. This means the wife may need to take an aspirin now and then and the husband may need to slow things down. You'll both find that sex is much more satisfying when you gain as much pleasure from satisfying your spouse as you do from your own physical pleasure.

Women are Broad-Minded
Women's senses are more sensitive, they notice more details, and they deal with a lot of small details better than men. Have you ever seen a tableful of women all talking at once? It's because they really can both listen and talk at the same time, within reason.

Advice for Men

Don't assume your wife is a wimp because she's upset over small cuts or bruises. She's probably feeling the pain more than you would. You should also trust your wife's judgment in situations where you need to take in a lot of information fast. Your wife will be able to notice signs and social cues better than you can.

Advice for Women

Don't assume that your husband has noticed all the things you have or that he has heard everything you have. Help him by pointing out details he might have missed but needs to know. But don't overload him with things he doesn't need to know. You should also be patient with your husband when he's performing tasks that require sorting through details. He won't find things as easily as you or know where all the dishes go in the cupboard.

Your husband will also probably not be interested in the dozens of things you want to tell him. Don't take this as disinterest in you personally. This is another time when moms and girlfriends are helpful. Your husband won't care about the sale at the shoe store, but your friend will, so share it with her. Be willing to limit the number of things you share with your husband to the most important.

Men are Narrow-Minded
Men have the ability to focus solely on one thing, where women's minds will jump around even in serious situations. They will want to keep working on a project until they are done with it.

Advice for Men

Don't assume your wife is as excited or focused on a project as you are. She will probably want to stop and eat before it's done, especially if the kids are hungry. Be patient if your wife interrupts you when you are focused on something. Explain to her that you will discuss other matters later when you can give more attention to them.

Advice for Women

Reign in your desire to branch out to other subjects when your husband is thinking deeply about something. Give him adequate time to think through one subject before bringing another up. You may also need to gently remind him of something (like the exit he's supposed to take) when he's thinking of something else. Don't interpret his focus as a sign of diminished capacity. Being able to start, work through, and finish a project is a skill many women find difficult.

Advice for Both Spouses

These differences in details and the focus men and women have, can make you an effective team. If you learn to capitalize on each others' abilities you will find that jobs you do together get done faster and better than they would if only one of you did it. This can make both your lives easier.

There are dozens of additional differences between men and women. The main idea is to recognize that differences exist and change your expectations of your spouse. Men and women are made for each other. You can have a satisfying relationship when you work together. Don't judge your spouse by your standards and don't try to get them to change to suit your ideas. You will find that your spouse is really more competent and helpful than you thought when you look at them with an open mind. A good dose of mutual appreciation and acceptance can heal any wound in a relationship.

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早在科学家证明男人与女人大脑构造的不同之前，许多人便意识到男女在思维方式上存在着巨大差异。男性和女性的大脑在外观和功能上的不同，使得他们在行动与反应上均有很大不同。虽然有人对此存有异议，认为男女行为差异是由社会环境所造成的，但这也促使了人们更加接受差异的存在，并学着如何处理它们。

事实上，如果夫妻双方都对这种差异性表示认可的话，他们的关系往往会更加亲密。因为他们不需要为频繁发生的误解而感到挫败或难过。关于夫妻双方间的差异，以及你该如何处理，这里有几个小秘诀：

女性的情感中枢比男性更为活跃

由于女性的左右脑半球的交流和激素分泌的增强，以及情绪中枢活跃性加强，使得情感成为女性生活中必不可少的一个重要部分。女性对于情感的看法和处理方式与男性很不一样。情感联系——例如同情和相互理解——对于女性是十分重要的。

给丈夫的忠告

不要为妻子的发泄情绪而感到内疚。当你的妻子情绪不稳时，你所要做的就是给她一个大大的拥抱，或是其他能够表达感情的方式。你也可以选择静静地倾听妻子的烦恼，但注意不要让自己也陷入这种负面情绪当中去。保持积极态度能帮助她稳定自己的情绪。

当你也处于情绪困扰中时，你的妻子会以为你像她一样需要一吐为快。这时你可以坦白告诉她，自己理清情绪的时候需要好好静一静。如果你能很好地向她解释，她就会慢慢习惯这样的时候让你一人独处。

给妻子的忠告

强烈的情绪冲动会导致失去理智的想法。你要尝试着以积极的态度去看待事物，并接受丈夫的宽慰，即使他所说的话并不能带给你所期望得到的同情（你可以打电话给自己的妈妈或女友，她们能给你更多情感上的慰藉）。不要以激素分泌的波动为理由而乱发脾气或胡乱指责他人。只要稍加实践，你就能很好地控制自己的情绪。

给夫妻双方的忠告

与其将情绪全都发泄给你的另一半，倒不如让自己变得更善解人意。夫妻之间以牙还牙的行为只会两败俱伤，令问题变得更为严重。如果你对待坏情绪的态度，是想办法令自己的另一半的日子好过些，那么你不但能让自己免受伤害，也能减轻另一半的痛苦。

男性的性中枢明显比女性活跃

对于男性和女性来说，同样的交流会是完全不同的两种体验。除了生理构造明显不同之外，男人和女人对待性爱的心理也大不一样。男人会更多地用“右脑”去思考这件事，因此空间感和视觉感受对他们而言要重要得多。女人则更在乎性爱过程中与丈夫的情感交流。因而性爱中令男人和女人感到满足的地方是不一样的。

给丈夫的忠告

当自己对其他异性发生兴趣时，一定要控制住冲动。如果你放任自己着迷于其他女人，你与妻子的关系会因此受到伤害。

男人倾向于用性爱来表达对妻子的爱。然而，女人却更希望丈夫能将对自己的爱在彼此的交流中表达出来。因而男人在性爱中不应急于求成，以使双方都能从中感到愉悦。你可以观察一下自己的妻子更喜欢哪种示爱方式（小纸条、鲜花或是情诗等等），然后再用这种方式来表达自己的爱意。这样的话妻子能从你那儿感受到更为强烈的情感，因而令双方的性爱减少束缚。

给妻子的忠告

将丈夫对你的渴望视为他表达爱的方式。千万不要抱怨他将你看作发泄的工具。如果你有这种感觉，则必须和自己的丈夫好好谈一谈，以便自己需求也能够得到满足。当你偶尔觉得太疲惫或是被占有感太强烈时，不妨选择停止。

不要羞于表达你的渴望。大胆表示出来能够令性爱的感觉更为强烈，你会发现当彼此都得到满足时，会与丈夫有更强列的情感交流。

给夫妻双方的忠告

当男女双方在性爱中更为对方的感受着想时，能得到更多的快感。这意味着妻子或许需要一片阿斯匹林，而丈夫则应该放慢节奏。当夫妻发现满足对方会比仅仅令自己满足更快乐时，双方都能从性爱中获得更多的满足感。

女性思考问题的方式很复杂

女人的感情更为敏感，她们更关注于细节，因此她们处理一大堆小细节的能力比男人更强。你是否见过一桌子的女人们都在不停地说话？这是因为她们真的可以一边讲话一边倾听，一点儿没错。

给丈夫的忠告

当妻子偶尔因小小的割伤或划伤而难过时，千万不要把她看作一个懦弱的人。她对伤痛的感觉远比你灵敏。当你在做某件事需要面对一大堆细节问题时，完全可以信任妻子的判断。她对于某些不经意的信号或是社会线索的灵敏感比你好得多。

对妻子的忠告

千万别以为你的丈夫能注意到或听到所有你注意或听到的内容。你得提醒他一些被忽视掉却十分关键的细节。但那些无关紧要的信息，则不必强求他去了解。当丈夫在做一些需要将细节分门别类的事情时，你要有足够的耐性。他不会像你那么轻而易举地找到东西，或是知道所有的碗碟分别放在碗橱的哪里。

对于你对他倾诉的一大堆事情，他可能也不太感兴趣，这可不是因为他是对你本人不感兴趣。这时候又是体现妈妈或女友的好处的时候了。你的丈夫可能对鞋店的特价毫不在乎，但你的女友们一定会感兴趣，所以这样的事情就与你的女友们分享好了。只与你的丈夫分享有限的事情，是最重要的。

男性思考问题的方式很直接

男人有一种将注意力只放在一件事上的能力。而女人即使在十分重要的场合下，思维也是十分跳跃的。男人会一直执着于一件事上，直到这件事被解决掉。

给丈夫的忠告

不要以为妻子会像你一样关注一件事。她很可能会停下手头的事，去弄点东西吃，特别是孩子们喊饿的时候。当你十分关注时被她打断，要耐心地向她解释说等手头的事情完成之后，你将有更多的精力与她讨论其他事务。

给妻子的忠告

当丈夫正沉浸某件事之中时，不要去打扰他，给他足够的时间。当他过于关注别的事情时，你可以温柔地提醒他——比如开车时他该从哪个出口出去。不要认为他的关注是没能力的表现。因为对于女人来说，要把一件事从开头坚持到最后完成，可不是容易的事儿。

给夫妻双方的忠告

将男人的专注和女人的细心结合起来，会令你们成为十分有效率的夫妻组合。如果能好好地利用彼此的优势，你们将会发现两个人一起做一件事的时候，会比单独一个去做时更快更好。这也会令你们的生活变得更加简便。

男女之间的差异之处还有很多。关键在于要意识到这种差异性的存在，并由此改变对自己的另一半的期望。男人和女人都是为对方而被创造，当两个人同心协力时，你们的关系会更和谐。不要以自己的标准去评价另一半，也不要勉强对方为自己的标准而做出改变。当你以更为坦率的态度看待自己的另一半时，你会发现他们真的变得更有能力，也更乐于助人了。互相信任与彼此接受是修复任何夫妻感情伤痕的一剂良药。