狄更斯双语小说:《董贝父子》第27章Part 15

'You know he has bought me,' she resumed. 'Or that he will, to-morrow. He has considered of his bargain; he has shown it to his friend; he is even rather proud of it; he thinks that it will suit him, and may be had sufficiently cheap; and he will buy to-morrow. God, that I have lived for this, and that I feel it!'
Compress into one handsome face the conscious self-abasement, and the burning indignation of a hundred women, strong in passion and in pride; and there it hid itself with two white shuddering arms.
'What do you mean?' returned the angry mother. 'Haven't you from a child - '
'A child!' said Edith, looking at her, 'when was I a child? What childhood did you ever leave to me? I was a woman - artful, designing, mercenary, laying snares for men - before I knew myself, or you, or even understood the base and wretched aim of every new display I learnt You gave birth to a woman. Look upon her. She is in her pride tonight'
And as she spoke, she struck her hand upon her beautiful bosom, as though she would have beaten down herself.

'Look at me,' she said, 'who have never known what it is to have an honest heart, and love. Look at me, taught to scheme and plot when children play; and married in my youth - an old age of design - to one for whom I had no feeling but indifference. Look at me, whom he left a widow, dying before his inheritance descended to him - a judgment on you! well deserved! - and tell me what has been my life for ten years since.'
'We have been making every effort to endeavour to secure to you a good establishment,' rejoined her mother. 'That has been your life. And now you have got it.'
'There is no slave in a market: there is no horse in a fair: so shown and offered and examined and paraded, Mother, as I have been, for ten shameful years,' cried Edith, with a burning brow, and the same bitter emphasis on the one word. 'Is it not so? Have I been made the bye-word of all kinds of men? Have fools, have profligates, have boys, have dotards, dangled after me, and one by one rejected me, and fallen off, because you were too plain with all your cunning: yes, and too true, with all those false pretences: until we have almost come to be notorious? The licence of look and touch,' she said, with flashing eyes, 'have I submitted to it, in half the places of resort upon the map of England? Have I been hawked and vended here and there, until the last grain of self-respect is dead within me, and I loathe myself? Has been my late childhood? I had none before. Do not tell me that I had, tonight of all nights in my life!'

“你知道他已买了我，”她继续说道，“或者他明天将买我。他已考虑好这宗买卖；他已把它向朋友们显示；他甚至还很得意；他觉得它对他很合适，价钱也许还很便宜；他明天就要买了。上帝啊，我就是为了这而活着的，我感觉到了这一点！”
有意识的自卑自贱，一百个极为激动与高傲的女人的炽烈的愤怒，全都凝集在一张美丽的脸孔中；这张脸孔掩藏在两只雪白的胳膊中。
“你是什么意思？”发怒的母亲回答道，“难道你不是从小就——”
“从小！”伊迪丝看着她，说道，“当我是个孩子的时候？你让我度过了什么样的童年？在我认识我自己或认识你之前，甚至在我明白我每新学会一种炫示自己的手段所包藏的卑鄙与邪恶的目的之前，我早已成了个女人，狡猾，奸诈，唯利是图，设下圈套去引诱男人。你生下的就是个女人。你看看她吧，今晚正是她最得意的时候。”
她一边说，一边用手敲打着自己美丽的胸脯，仿佛她想要把自己打倒似的。

“看着我吧，”她说道，“我从来就不知道诚实的心和爱情是什么样的。看着我吧，小时候跟小朋友一起做游戏的时候，我就被教会了耍花招，设圈套；我在青年时代——就老谋深算来说，已可以称得上是老年了——，被嫁给了一个我对他毫无感情而只是漠不关心的人。看着我吧，他让我当上了寡妇，他自己则在还没有继承遗产之前就死去了——这是上帝对你的最后审判！罪有应得！——你再告诉我吧，从那时以来的这十年，我的生活是个什么样的生活！”
“我们一直来竭尽一切努力，设法使你得到一个好家庭，”她的母亲回答道，“这就是你一直来的生活。现在你已经得到它了。”
“市场上没有一个奴隶，市集上没有一匹马曾经像我在这可耻的十年中这样被展出，被开价，被细细观察和被夸耀的，妈妈！”伊迪丝满脸怒火地喊道，她用同样讥讽的语气说出了那两个字，“难道不是这样吗？难道我没有成为各种男子的笑柄吗？难道傻瓜、色鬼、小伙子、老头子不都曾来纠缠过我，又都一个个地抛弃我和离开我了吗？因为你尽管狡猾，但却太露骨了；是的，你尽管有那些虚伪的口实，但你的真情实意是太清楚了，所以后来我们几乎声名狼藉了，“她眼中闪着怨愤的光芒，说道，“难道我不曾逆来顺受，容许在英国地图上一半的游乐场所被观看和触摸吗？难道我不曾在这里、那里被么喝和出卖，直到我失去最后一点自尊心并厌恶我自己为止吗？难道这就是我最近的童年吗？我以前不曾有过童年，无论如何也别在今晚对我说，我有过童年。”