名著精读:《悉达多》 婆罗门之子(4)

Govinda turned pale, when he heard these words and read the decision in the motionless face of his friend, unstoppable like the arrow shot from the bow. Soon and with the first glance, Govinda realized: Now it is beginning, now Siddhartha is taking his own way, now his fate is beginning to sprout, and with his, my own. And he turned pale like a dry banana-skin.

"O Siddhartha," he exclaimed, "will your father permit you to do that?"

Siddhartha looked over as if he was just waking up. Arrow-fast he read in Govinda soul, read the fear, read the submission.

"O Govinda," he spoke quietly, "let's not waste words. Tomorrow, at daybreak I will begin the life of the Samanas. Speak no more of it."

Siddhartha entered the chamber, where his father was sitting on a mat of bast, and stepped behind his father and remained standing there, until his father felt that someone was standing behind him. Quoth the Brahman: "Is that you, Siddhartha? Then say what you came to say."

Quoth Siddhartha: "With your permission, my father. I came to tell you that it is my longing to leave your house tomorrow and go to the ascetics. My desire is to become a Samana. May my father not oppose this."

The Brahman fell silent, and remained silent for so long that the stars in the small window wandered and changed their relative positions, 'ere the silence was broken. Silent and motionless stood the son with his arms folded, silent and motionless sat the father on the mat, and the stars traced their paths in the sky. Then spoke the father: "Not proper it is for a Brahman to speak harsh and angry words. But indignation is in my heart. I wish not to hear this request for a second time from your mouth."

Slowly, the Brahman rose; Siddhartha stood silently, his arms folded.

"What are you waiting for?" asked the father.

Quoth Siddhartha: "You know what."

Indignant, the father left the chamber; indignant, he went to his bed and lay down.

戈文达听了这话脸色煞白，他从朋友那不动声色的脸上看出了决心，就像离弦之箭一样不可扭转的决心。戈文达一眼就明白了:事情已经开始，现在，席特哈尔塔要走他自己的路了，他的命运已开始萌发新牙，而自己的命运也与之相连。他的脸色苍白得就像干枯的香蕉皮。

“哦，席特哈尔塔，”他叫道，“你父亲会许可吗?”

席特哈尔塔就像睡醒的人那样望过来。他很快不看出了戈文达的心，看出了害怕，也看出了顺从。

“哦，戈文达，”他小声说，“咱们别浪费口舌了。明天天一亮，我就要开始沙门的生活。别再说下去啦 。”

席特哈尔塔走进了房间，他父亲正坐在一张麻织的席特哈尔塔子上。他走到父亲身边，站在那里，一直到父亲觉察出身后有人。这个婆罗门说:“是你吗，席特哈尔塔？说吧，把你要说的话说出来吧。”

席特哈尔塔说:“爸爸，求你允许我吧。我是来告诉你，明天我想 离开这个家，去找苦行僧。当一个沙门是我的愿望。但愿爸爸你不会反对。”

这个婆罗门没吭声，沉默了很久， 一直到小窗里出现了星星闪烁，并且改变了它们的位置，房间里依然沉默。儿子一言不发，一动不动，交叉着胳臂站在那儿，父亲也一言不发，一动不动，坐在席特哈尔塔子上，只有星星在天上移动。后来，父亲才开口说道:“婆罗门不适合说出激烈和生气的话，可是，我的心里很不满。我不愿意再从你嘴里听到这种请求。”

婆罗门说完便缓缓地站了起来。席特哈尔塔仍交叉着双臂不声不响地站着。

“你还等什么?”父亲问。

席特哈尔塔说:“你知道。”

父亲气冲冲地走出房间，摸到自己的床铺那儿躺下了。